Friday’s top-billed World Cup encounter saw England come up against the USA.
It was the Brits against the Yanks, the colonists against the imperialists, and most importantly, Football against Soccer.
Fans had been looking forward to the clash since the very day it was announced, only for the game to underwhelm in every manner possible.
The match was almost a chore to watch, a snooze-fest courtesy of Southgate’s signature ‘suffer-ball’.
The men wearing white were all too happy to pass it sideways without any sort of incision, while the USMNT produced quality moments through their swift transitions.
Three Lions’ fans who blared the ‘Football’ horn loudly before the game were left muffled during it, owing to their side’s soulless display.
American fans arrived at the venue in high spirits, and their exuberance only increased as their side continued to dominate on the field.
The best display of their moods came in the middle of the game, as the Americans debuted the most annoying football chant ever devised.
Sung in a three-syllabic rhythm and akin to a WWE chant, the Americans exclaimed, ‘it’s called Soccer!’. No, it’s not, but fair play for trying.
The chant wasn’t devised on the spot of course, although piecing together 3 words doesn’t require the collective ingenuity of the Yanks.
American fans were seen subjecting the exasperating chant on any set of unfortunate ears in the vicinity, as they sang it loudly outside the stadium.
The ear-piercing words broke out numerous times during the game itself as well and were usually drowned out by defensive English voices.
However, as their side on the pitch wavered, so did they, and ‘it’s called Soccer!’ was heard far too often for anybody’s mental health.
Annoying chant aside, it was a bright display for American Football overall, and the side will certainly take to their next game with plenty of confidence.
And because we feel obligated to say this, it’s not called Soccer and the name doesn’t make any sense.